What Narcissism *Actually* Is and How to Heal

Understanding narcissism beyond social media diagnosing

The term "narcissist" has become wildly popular in recent years, tossed around on social media to describe everything from self-absorbed dates to difficult bosses. But as with most mental health topics that go viral, nuance gets lost in the process.

In our recent podcast conversation with Britt Frank, (a licensed therapist who has significant professional and personal experience with narcissism) we explored narcissism beyond the buzzwords. What we discovered might surprise you—and honestly, it changed how I think about this whole topic.

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The Overdiagnosis Problem

Let's start with something controversial: when we label everyone a narcissist, we're giving too many people too much credit.

Clinical narcissistic personality disorder is likely less common than social media would have you believe. While many people can display narcissistic traits (who hasn't had a self-absorbed moment?), a true diagnosis requires a specific pattern of behaviors that are rare and often complex.

As Britt put it: "Narcissism is incredibly overused as a term, but it's also incredibly underused correctly."

The real narcissists are often flying under the radar, while regular difficult people get mislabeled.

Why This Distinction Matters

I see this confusion play out in therapy sessions all the time. Mislabeling someone as a narcissist creates real problems. It diminishes the experiences of those who've truly suffered in high-level narcissistic relationships. It pathologizes normal (if frustrating) human behaviors. It creates unnecessary dating anxiety. And it can keeps people stuck instead of recognizing their agency.

Understanding the Difference: Narcissism vs. Just Being an Asshole